Have I Told You?
Have I told you lately that I love you? Sometimes, I forget to say the words. You are my candle in the night. Your smile lights up the whole room.
Our Blog
The intent of our blog is twofold: for us--to stay up-to-date and connected with each other. for you--to spark your own conversations, eye to eye,
hand in hand, and heart to heart.
Closure
Dear Eddie: I am grateful for our learnings about closure. I always heard the word closure to mean that something was over. The answer was final, subject closed. I learned
Your Support
Darling Sylvia, I trust you; you have my back. You support me, but my taking your input requires you to read what I need and what I can accept. You
Support
Dear Eddie: We just enjoyed one of our quarterly two-night getaways. This time, it was with the Better Marriages North Carolina folks. I enjoyed relaxing in intentional marriage enrichment space
Grace Notes
Darling Sylvia, Grace notes are musical ornaments. I was introduced to bagpipe grace notes during the fall of 1970 by Charlie Russell, lead piper in Saint Paul’s Irish Pipe Band.
Remain
Dear Eddie, I’m glad some things remain. 1967. You stood me up on the Newberry Hall bench at Alma College. You twirled me around, singing, “She loves flowers, she loves
Daffodils in the Ditch
Darling Sylvia, Returning home from our Marriage Getaway at Hilton Head, I am full of feelings; I feel… I feel confident that in high tides and in the inevitable low
We Can
Dear Eddie, Christmas will come even if I’m Not in charge. You might be hard-pressed to see that I am not in charge since I automatically go into hyperdrive as
We
Darling Sylvia, We are better together. We are like a hot cup of Earl Grey tea with four drops of honey better. You have helped me to learn the lost
Purpose
Dear Eddie, Been thinking about purpose. Yes, again. My women’s ministry materials always come back to finding purpose. I stopped worrying about finding my purpose a while ago, but I
Shocked
Darling Sylvia, I was shocked. The electrical impulse jumped from the garden fence through my elbow to the wet ground below. I blinked, dismissed it, and once again touched my
My Kind of Man
Dear Eddie, I often catch myself asking, “What kind of man is this?” Sometimes, I am laughing. Sometimes, I am exclaiming. Sometimes, I am wondering, in a really holy sense. Always,
Deep
Still waters run deep. This 75-year-old ex-professor taught limnology too many times. When I failed to respond, you repeated top to bottom the information that the orchids in the kitchen
Blessed Getaway
Dear Eddie, Thank you for another wonderful two-night-minimum getaway. For years, we have prioritized time away for the two of us. We have learned that it takes at least two
Tradition
Dearest Sylvia: As we were taking down the tree this morning, I was reminded of Tevye, the Papa in Fiddler on the Roof. He was frustrated with the changes in
Wrong
Dear Eddie, I was wrong. Yes, again, for sure. Oh, how I hate to be wrong, much less to own and say the words out loud. There was no
The Letter
Darling Sylvia, “Deliver the letter, the sooner the better.” In a time long ago, in a northern Michigan town called Grayling, a twenty-year-old Eddie Bert was driving home after work
Smiles
Dearest Eddie, You moved a lot of flowers today. Specialty cut flower grower is a descriptive mouthful but I prefer to call you a purveyor of smiles. As I watch
Only One
Darling Sylvia, You were then and are now my only one. It was in the fall of 1967, standing with you in my arms in front of Newberry Hall,
Spring Break
Dear Eddie, Spring Break in St. Augustine! Even with Covid carefulness, we did not forget our dedication to a two night minimum getaway. We celebrate the couple time of shorter
Normal
Darling Sylvia, COVID-19 has changed our language. Having a safe bubble and a safe pod have become the “new normal.” But what is so new about normal? Having an Alma
Repeating
Dear Eddie: When I was growing up, I was Big Sister to three little brothers. Mom would tell them to do something, and I would immediately repeat her words. She
Slow Down
Darling Sylvia, I feel the need to slow down in order to make our moments last. I remember the moment in the fall of 1966 in front of Newberry Hall,
Singing
Dear Eddie: I heard you singing. I was chilling in the gazebo one morning in July and harkened to your voice coming up from the garden. “And a partridge in
Names
Darling Sylvia, Thank you for teaching me the names for feelings. Taxonomy is the science and the art of assigning names. Dr. Kapp at Alma taught me that yellow flowers
Dirt
Dear Eddie: I have always known that you have a special relationship with dirt. I have always enjoyed your being my garden boy and the beautiful things you grow. At
Always Better Together
Precious Sylvia, We are always better together. It was in the late summer of 1969; these two recent Alma grads were in a junker with bald tires and a U-Haul
Orchid Boy
Darling Orchid Boy: Yes, my dear Eddie; you are forever my Orchid Boy. What eighteen year old boy, especially back in the days of our beginnings, loved orchids? So
For Love
Dearest Sylvia, For Love, over the last 54 years, you have helped me to experience many firsts. At 72 years of age, I thought, until this morning, I was running
Two Night Minimum
Dear Eddie, I am crazy about our two night minimum getaways; we have adopted a formula that works. In the past, we have prioritized periodic getaways for the two of
Gifts
Darling Sylvia, I am gift challenged. I do not know how to choose gifts. In June, I was in a full blown panic attack over what gift to give to
Counting
Dear Eddie, Here we go again, planning another gathering at our home. This time, it is to celebrate our 50th Wedding Anniversary. The wedding planning website where the invitation is
The Windsor
Darling Sylvia, Yesterday, while getting dressed for church, it took me four tries to tie a Windsor knot. I was in a macho mood and decided to wear a tie.
Beautiful
Darling Eddie, There, you did it again. You made something beautiful; more accurately, you made something else beautiful in my world. are dependable to show appreciation of me, to be
Not 22
Darling Sylvia, I heard moans as I got out of the car. I looked around and realized the sounds were my own. I am 71 and not 22. I had
At the Table
Dear Eddie: We have a wonderful dining table. We have probably spent years of our lives at the table. We discovered the table in your parents’ basement the summer we
Slippery
Darling Sylvia, It was a frigid fall morning in Georgia, and I fell on the slippery ice. The bank had not turned off its automatic sprinklers, the sidewalk was uphill,
Lists
Dear Eddie, Sometimes, I feel like we are being chased by lists. Lists help me to organize, and lists work for pleasant tasks, but being chased by lists messes with my
Participatory Sport
Darling Sylvia, Our marriage, like my football, is a participatory sport. Neither is a game for the timid. There can be no half way measures. In our marriage, we wholeheartedly
The Knack
Dear Eddie: You have a knack. What a funny word but the proper one. You have “an acquired or natural skill” at performing a task. You really have a
In Position
Darling Sylvia, Living in the moment and intentionally putting ourselves in position where miracles can happen are skills that we have honed together. They are gifts you gave me that keep
Watching You
Dear Eddie, A great pleasure in my life is watching you. Over the years, cameras have repeatedly captured my rapt expression as I watch you carrying on. You could be
Tux versus Suit
Dear Sylvia: I had been proactive and given Charity my old tux to be refitted. You asked me if I had spoken to her about it. I saw the words
Bluebonnets
Darling Sylvia, Bluebonnets, Mariposa Lilies, Indian Paintbrush and Starry-Eyed Grass welcomed us back to a Texas spring. We had made a mistake in our flight plans and found ourselves
Turning Toward
Dear Eddie, It is an invaluable gift that we learned to turn toward one another–often, daily, in joy, in fun, in trouble, in anger. Dr. John Gottman describes the turning
Friends that became Lovers
Darling Sylvia, We were friends that became lovers. It all started when we were assigned as lab partners in Dr. Potter’s Bonehead Chemistry Lab. You were bright, hot, and safe.
Play
Darling Playmate, I have laughed often lately at how we play. We get the giggles in the kitchen. We get silly in the bathroom. We share jokes with each other
Earbuds
Darling Sylvia, No earbuds were in my ears. I was a half a mile into my daily walk and realized that I had left my ipod behind. I admit that
Change
Dear Eddie, change seems to be inevitable. Cornered by change? Blessed by change? Opportunities for change. Can’t get away from that word. We have just “fallen back in the fall.”
We Two
Darling Sylvia – I love we two moments. Hidden in the weeds beside the Polly Ann Trail, we spotted bottled gentians (Gentiana andrewsii) and turtleheads (Chelone glabra). The delicate blue
Taken For Granted
Dear Eddie: There are so many things in my life that are taken for granted. At the northern end of what became Tropical Storm Irma, we had it easy,
Pacemaker
Dearest Sylvia, My pacemaker is a small device placed in my chest that uses electrical impulses to keep my heartbeat going. I received my Medtronic pacemaker eleven years ago when
Community
Dear Eddie, everybody needs community. In family memory, this will always be the summer of Buzz, the Turkey Vulture who joined the family at the lake in Michigan. He might
Only One
Darling Sylvia, you are my only one. Beefsteak tomatoes 3 inches across, cut 3/8 of an inch thick, sandwiched between leaves of curly red basil, topped with 2 strips of
Honeymoons
Darling Eddie, Honeymoons are on my mind. Forty-eight years ago this evening, you and I headed out together. We stayed in our Grayling apartment, left pansies on our dining table,
Worth Doing Well
Darling Sylvia, if it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing well. It’s early morning. You are a slug a bug in bed. Last night you couldn’t sleep. I’ve just spent two
The Perfect Age
Dear Eddie, I am “the perfect age.” Thank you for being my partner. I felt you cringe under my right elbow when my orthopedist’s Physician’s Assistant, surely no older than
Listen to Me, Eddie Bert
Listen to Me, Eddie Bert! Darling Sylvia, Listen to me, Eddie Bert! How many times over the last fifty-two years have you made that simple request. Listening has never been
Reposo is a Gift
Dear Eddie, Reposo is a gift. Most marriages could use one. The best reminder of our wonderful trip to Italy is the adoption of reposo into our daily life. We
Shake the Seasonal Blues
Darling Sylvia, Thank you for helping me shake the seasonal blues. I had returned to my dark place. In that pit, I grieved for the loss of dad thirty-six years
Living Out Loud
Dear Eddie, Let’s talk about living out loud. We are a little frayed by recent heavy stuff—heavy good and heavy sad. We are grateful for the couples who have lived
Loving in the Now.
Darling Sylvia, Loving in the Now. Back in 1966, we began dreaming about what the future would hold. Were we going to be together forever? How would we make
Letting Go
Dear Eddie, Letting Go is hard, especially when I am not sure what I am hanging on to. I am sure this problem applies to things, to behaviors, and even
Cheerleader
Darling Sylvia, Thank you for being my cheerleader. I have an ambiguous relationship with raccoons. In 1965, I worked for the Crawford County Road Commission as Restroom Attendant Badge #278.
Different Views Yield Different Fruit
Dear Eddie, Different views yield different fruit. It’s June, and you and I are picking blueberries. If we escape a freeze in April and we have rain, we have berries
Reverse pivot to the baseline
Darling Sylvia, For thirty years at Reinhardt University I taught my biology students that the primary organs for listening are the ears. You have, however, taught me that the primary
Mission Update
Dear Eddie, There is no time to waste; no threat, just fact. Neither of us is sick; life is good. But, we have less days of life to spend than
The Lead Horse and The Jackass
Darling Sylvia, I remember sitting in the truck at Lumberjack Park and talking for hours about who we were and what our future would be like. We both understood that
Two for the Road
Dear Eddie, Thank you for our weekend road trip. I heard a woman say those words at the gym the other day, and I thought, “That is just what we
Nutter Butters
Darling Sylvia, At 5:50 AM, I got up and let out the cat. I took my pills and put on the coffee. I called to the kids to get up.
A Cloud of Witnesses
Darling Eddie: I thank you from the bottom of my heart for a decision you made back in the seventies. You decided that it was important to place our marriage
Sealed with a Kiss
Darling Sylvia, Last Monday, I had my second cataract removed. I had been told by a friend that after her surgery it was like living in high definition (HD). I
First Kiss
Dearest Sylvia, I can remember when and where I stole my first kiss from you. It was 49 years ago in front of Newberry Hall after the Delt Sig hayride.
A Nose for Christmas
Darling Sylvia, In the boys’ dormitory at 501 Ottawa Street, Grayling, Michigan, a manly nose which recorded a history of past events was a family trademark to be treasured. I
Resting
Dear Eddie—I’ve been thinking how we have relearned the practice of resting together. I get fried; we get fried. We need physical and emotional rest. I am so glad we
Still Your Rooster
Darling Sylvia, On October 10, I celebrated 50 years of knowing you were in my world. On the dance floor of the Country Club of Detroit (the GPHS 50th Reunion),
King of the Do Over
Darling Sylvia, I celebrated Labor Day by taking our seven year old grandson in the truck for a boys-only adventure. We took our 10% off coupon to Lowe’s and purchased
Default
Dear Eddie: Last week, we took part in a Virtual Marriage Enrichment Group about Differences. A couple shared that when they are vulnerable, their differences rise up. Under stress, you
It’s Your Attitude, Eddie!
Darling Sylvia, I vividly remember our first fight in the fall of 1967. We were leaving Tyler Dining Hall. The fight started when you stated the obvious; “It’s your attitude
The Gerbil Wheel
Our “retirement” is much more active than we anticipated. Our family needs us in ways we did not plan. There are still endless tasks to be accomplished. In stress, I
Going Home: Being the Boy, Becoming the Man
Darling Sylvia, On the eve of returning to Grayling for my 50th high school reunion, I have been thinking a lot about the boy that left Grayling and the man
Regular Scheduled Maintenance
Our home needs regular scheduled maintenance: the siding around the outside faucet is crumbling; the privet is overgrowing the fence; a heat pump is over 20 years old. Cars need
My Love is an Action Word
My darling, Sylvia, Last week, while we were trying to find private space to celebrate our 46th anniversary, I came to the realization that my love for you is an
Is There Hope for Marriage?
Is there hope for marriage today? We believe there is hope, but, as with all valuable things, marriages must be protected and nurtured. Our son, Nate, trail named Maple Leaf,
Electronics and Marriage
What about Today’s Electronics and Marriage? We were asked for our thoughts on how cell phones, computers, and all of the ever-changing technologies have influenced marriage and especially communication for
Ought to be Required
“Ought to be required” “Since you two are marriage enrichment leaders, you need to go to see the movie Hope Springs. It’s good; maybe ought to be required for the