Archives June 2015

My darling, Sylvia,

Last week, while we were trying to find private space to celebrate our 46th anniversary, I came to the realization that my love for you is an action word that changes as the externals of our complicated life change.

In my 19th year, my love was taking you for a pizza at Sam’s or a twenty minute break before curfew. In my 22nd year, it was washing your beautiful to your waist hair in our old fashioned deep kitchen sink. At 27, it was walking our daughter and softly singing old Kingston Trio songs to her. When I was 35, it was learning that vacuuming was really important. When I was 42, it was holding in my arms a sick and troubled son. When I was 50, I discovered that emptying the dishwasher somehow had become very important to you. At 56, I discovered that singing “Buffalo Gals, Won’t you Come Out Tonight?” with a confused Mom as we took her home after dinner was love. When I was 64, love was saying I was open to your retiring early. At 67, love was saying, “Let’s go to Tuscany; I can put off buying the tractor.” At 68, love is “I’ll keep the grandchildren; you go to your meeting.”

Love, let me tell you; the ways of my loving have changed, but the fact of my love remains. Your love touches my soul daily.

Eddie

Is there hope for marriage today? We believe there is hope, but, as with all valuable things, marriages must be protected and nurtured. Our son, Nate, trail named Maple Leaf, hiked the Appalachian Trail, Georgia to Maine, in 1996. Day hikers and Scouts repeatedly asked two questions: “Have you seen any bears?” and “What do you eat?” He answered, “Yes, there are bears, and they will steal your food. You have to hang your pack up high and always assume there are bears around.” The second answer was “Peanut Butter and Mac and Cheese.”

In our life as a couple, there are many “bears” which will steal time and joy from our relationship. They don’t respect what is in our “pack;” we have to keep it out of their reach. Likewise, the essential “food” of our relationship is talking with and listening to each other, building a life in tandem. We must stay up to date with each other. We do this by setting aside at least a little time often to look at each other and share our lives.

Think about the following questions. Take time to turn to your mate and share your thoughts. Listen to your mate’s thoughts knee to knee.

What do you appreciate about your marriage?    

Who or what are your “bears?” ….They might even be people and things you like.

How do you secure your marriage “pack?”

What “food” sustains you and your marriage for the long haul?

How can you get and keep more of that “good food?”