Our “retirement” is much more active than we anticipated. Our family needs us in ways we did not plan. There are still endless tasks to be accomplished. In stress, I regress to old strategies, the “default” settings of my personality. My “default” says, “If you don’t do it/fix it, it won’t get fixed.” So, I climb back on the gerbil wheel, striving to exhaustion to fix.
I need to stop. Yesterday, I was glad to go to my prayer group. I know that the discipline focuses me in helpful ways. But, even in the middle of the reading, my mind said, “There was a box of spaghetti on the counter. Wonder how much is in it? Last time, we had to cook extra. Must add to list.” Really?
Likewise, when I revert to “default,” Eddie and I as a couple get lost. We know that we gain sustenance from retreating into our “Couple Bubble.” That is a blessed place where we are listened to, where we affirm each other, and where, sometimes, we can just BE. We zipped to Michigan for Eddie’s high school reunion weekend. We went to the parties, but we also took some time to BE together. We took what his folks called “A ride to Mancelona.” We walked by the Au Sable river. We just lay on the big Bed and Breakfast four-poster and listened to the neighborhood sounds filtering in through the tall bright second-floor windows—windows like those in our honeymoon apartment.
In reality, no “fix” is possible. Life is life. Life has both trials and blessings. I need to remember where I get my sustenance; I need to remember where Eddie and I get our couple sustenance. I need to act on what I have learned.
