Archives August 2017

Dearest Sylvia, My pacemaker is a small device placed in my chest that uses electrical impulses to keep my heartbeat going. I received my Medtronic pacemaker eleven years ago when my heart stopped, a cardiac syncopy in a Kentucky rest area on the way to our Michigan lake cabin.  The stopping of my heart made me black out, a condition undesirable for driving the I-75 corridor north. My pacemaker has made a profound difference in the quality of my life.  It keeps my heart from dropping below a beat per second. I sleep well at night.  My breathing never stops, and I have energy for living and loving in the now.

This morning at my checkup, I discovered that it is time to replace my device.  Its battery, unlike that bunny with the drum, is giving out.  Next Tuesday, I will travel to Atlanta for a replacement, a newer model with more bells and whistles, one that will last me into my early nineties.

You, darling bride of my youth, are my real pacemaker.  In the last fifty plus years, you have captured the electrical system of my heart.  You keep me honest, grounded in body, mind and spirit.  You lift me up when I am down and bring me down gently when I fly too close to the sun.  You believe in me and love me even when that love is deemed crazy by others. I don’t deserve your love, but breathe it in like the oxygen that keeps me alive.

You have access to my heart and, unlike the mechanical device, you do not need an upgrade.  You are flesh of my flesh and spirit of my spirit.  I can never express the joy and comfort that you bring to my existence. You are my personal pacemaker with a lifetime warranty.

Love you – Eddie Bert

Dear Eddie,

everybody needs community. In family memory, this will always be the summer of Buzz, the Turkey Vulture who joined the family at the lake in Michigan. He might have been attracted by the fish cleaning station; vultures are known for their noses after all, but he appeared on the deck railing one morning. He was neither shy nor aggressive with people or cats.  Buzz would come down to the house most mornings. He did make a pretty big rustle in the bushes and did startle me if I stepped out the door without first thinking about him.He and the cats would greet each other. If he needed to pass by, he would detour in a three-foot loop around them with no apparent hurry. One day, the guys killed a Blue Jay, and Buzz showed up for lunch. As we learned, Buzz had a lame wing and could loft off a perch for short bursts, but he could not lift to fly. Sadly, no soaring on the thermals with his family, but he found us– a multi-species flock.

You and I had several conversations about flocks, about how flocks are comprised and the safety they provide for their members. That led to conversations about our flocks, our several communities. For many years, we have organized our living into our couple, our family, our faith community, and our marriage enrichment community.

In the beginning, we were invited into a marriage enrichment group. Later, whenever we moved, and we did that a lot, we learned to actively seek out community to support us in our marriage journey. There have been different couples at different times. In sharing their experiences with us, they increased our awareness of blessings and never left us desperately alone with our challenges. Early learning about living married, challenges with jobs and security, staying connected while raising children, loving our parents through their lifetimes, parenting adult children, staying connected as we have grown older—we have done none of these in isolation.

I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being the kind of man who is open to listening to my feelings and experiences and to cross-learning from the experiences of other couples. Thank you for being open to working with me to make our marriage better through the years. I love you.   Sylvia