Dear Eddie, Sometimes, I feel like we are being chased by lists. Lists help me to organize, and lists work for pleasant tasks, but being chased by lists messes with my sense of calm. I don’t want to add to your anxiety, but I am certainly happy to have you as a partner in facing the lists of the less than pleasant parts of living.
Lists make demands in different ways. We laughed about the difference between the window sticker in your ‘91 Mighty Max truck and the digital panel in the 2015 Sonata. Your sticker quietly suggests that you are about 100 miles short of needing an oil change. The Sonata computer, on the other hand, warned us as we approached the scheduled service date; with every start, we were told “You are due for service in — miles.” When Zero day arrived, the panel kicked up a Diamond Exclamation Point warning. With every ignition, it threatened, “You are – miles overdue for service.” And the warning indicator sat there until the service was completed. I am the list maker and the rule keeper; your attitude toward problem solving safeguards our coupleness in dealing with the lists, in whatever manner they present..
With lists of recurring responsibilities, you either put up with, go along with, or share in what needs to be done. If I can take care of the tasks like paying bills on time, keeping up with biannual bills like insurances and taxes, you let me do it, and you thank me for the attention I pay to the detail. When we both have to be inconvenienced by the same things like regular blood work and flu shots, we accompany one another. When it is your thing like pacemaker checks, or my thing like eye specialists, we express our appreciation for the company given. We can grouse about the necessity of these tasks, but you affirm that we are a team. It may seem dumb but we even have a Shingles shot date for January when the resupply comes in. Yes, it is on the list again even though we were responsible about that issue ten years ago.
There are some doozies In the list of financial things that chase us. They threaten our sense of security. Some of them look innocuous enough like painting the house. We sat for years, commenting on the soot darkening the living room ceiling from our enjoyable wintertime fires. But dipping into liquid funds to do something about it was a major effort. Likewise, not everyone drives vehicles until they drop. Even using liquid funds to buy pre-owned vehicles may take us years of “if-then-whens.” Thanks for having learned that I have fiscal security buttons, You honor them and me while also being insistent that we move ahead even if it is difficult.
And, heavens, let the lists chasing us be about more than money and threaten our life together in the ultimate sense, we can put something off ad infinitum. Thank you so much for repeatedly having the painful conversations with me. Updating wills and checking on beneficiaries takes saying words like, “If —- should predecease, …” Yuck! But we are responsible grownups, and you are my excellent teammate. Let’s march right in to the refrigerator and put some stars and “way to gos” on that Growth Plan. We get some big check marks this six months. The paint is renewed, the car is sweet, the wills and beneficiaries are updated—for now, anyway. Together, I am confident we will deal with what comes. I love you. Sylvia