Darling Sylvia, Our marriage, like my football, is a participatory sport. Neither is a game for the timid. There can be no half way measures. In our marriage, we wholeheartedly participate. Our marriage is a participatory sport. No watching from the stadium seats is tolerated.
Last Saturday’s 50th reunion of Alma College’s 1967-68 Conference Championship Teams was a sight to behold. Twenty-five of the forty members attended. They were very pleased to see that teammates were still vertical. Their memories of events 50 years ago were more vivid than what had happened the previous week. Some of the stories were even true.
During the drive home to Georgia, I kept thinking of what had been told. It’s amazing that I came up with the notion that what I learned as a member of the squad is used every day in our marriage. The first issue was commitment. I was all in for the team. Commitment to our marriage is not half way. Being a member of a team or marriage means that it is more important than self. Sometimes you lead and sometimes you follow.
In our marriage, I need to speak for self and listen for understanding. In Robby’s Raiders, the kickoff team, we knew the rules and stayed in our own lanes. On the defensive team, I needed to know where Dillingham, Shrope, Roger, and Zinns were at all times. Their chatter told me where they were and what they were going to do. As a couple, we have had to learn skills and unlearn habits in order to keep our messages clear. We have learned to trust each other’s intent and actions.
In football, we practiced our actions until they were automatic. Practice did not make us perfect, but it did make us better. In marriage, the practicing of speaking and listening skills is fundamental. We never lose the need to practice both. Practice is hard work, but it does make us better.
On a brisk fall football Saturday in 1969, I saw your tears. You were looking out of the window of the laundry across the street from the University of Minnesota Golden Gopher Stadium. They were playing Michigan State, and the crowds were gathering. You asked, “Don’t you ever want to go to the game?” Not for the first or last time you mystified me. I replied, “No, football for me was a participatory sport. I was on the field or on the bench but never in the stands.” After all these years, I am so glad that you have made our marriage a participatory sport. You have never allowed me to move to the stands.
Love, Eddie Bert