Category Uncategorized

Dear Eddie,

Been thinking about purpose. Yes, again. My women’s ministry materials always come back to finding purpose. I stopped worrying about finding my purpose a while ago, but I do think about it. I want to live it.  Purpose links values with actions. Living with you has always included conversations about the life we want to live, what we are doing, and what we want to be and do. We started those conversations in the dorm lounges at Alma College and in the old green truck. I remember you standing me on a bench in front of Newberry Hall, spinning me around, and saying, “She loves God, she loves flowers, she loves her family, and she loves me.” It has been and is an interesting journey.

Thank you for the conversations about purpose. Do you remember “What Color is My Parachute?” and “A Nation of Strangers”? What geeks we are! Where did we want to go after Alma? What kind of life did we want to lead? We weren’t faultless or bulletproof. We hit bumps with bosses, jobs, illness. We had worries, grief, direction choices. You and I had some hard conversations. We were the king and queen of If/Then. We matched values, dreams, and possibilities and moved on. We learned along the way to call that intentionality. A gift.

Looking backward, I am thankful for those who taught us to link our values and actions for purpose. Equally, I am grateful for learning to reassess along the way, often from  couples, some older, some younger, who shared their journeys with us. I am totally tickled that post oil company layoff, we chose to seek our Alma College dream of small college teaching. And, we got to do it together. Thirty plus years later, our daughter is teaching the children of our students. What a deal!

Looking forward in this legacy stage of life, I know my purpose is to continue to pass the love along. There is no shortage of opportunity. I am overjoyed to join with you in that purpose with our friends, family, church, marriage enrichment, and farmers’ market communities. We still have the conversations. The values are the same; the living out shifts and adjusts. I am confident that for as long as we live, sweetheart, we will still be blowing on the flame.

I love you,

Sylvia

Couple friends: These questions are to fuel your own conversations.

Individually and as a couple, where are your matches between values and life at present?

Does anything need readjusting?

Dear Eddie, I am crazy about our two night minimum getaways; we have adopted a formula that works. In the past, we have prioritized periodic getaways for the two of us, yet, many times, we have found ourselves still exhausted when we returned home. A few years ago, we realized that we were tired out from the stress of getting there, wherever “there” might have been. And, likewise, we were beat by the time we returned home. We needed at least two nights away. We decided that we needed to plan at least one two night minimum getaway every quarter. We write those words down as a goal on our Marriage Growth Plan, and we follow through.

When we plan for a two night minimum getaway, we have a chance to enjoy actually being together in a new or cherished place. We can breathe.  We can arrive, check in, and recover from the stress of traffic or navigation. We can collapse and search out supper or search out supper and collapse. When we plan this kind of getaway, we can wake up when we choose. We can spend at least one whole day doing as we please. We can stay in bed or not. We can be pretty sure that not even our cat will appear at the window, meowing to be let it in. We can enjoy sunrise or not. We can go new places, eat new foods, be lazy or energetic. We can change our minds.

But, so often, the obvious times when we can get away are when we also have responsibilities to others. We might be going to a marriage enrichment conference, for instance. Those events always sound like they will be good couple times and they are, but we usually have some leadership work to do, some stress to bear, other people’s stuff to honor. Thank you for helping me to remember that we need the getaway, too. That means planning so we can stay over and chill after the work is done. That means paying attention to our own marriage growth. That means remembering that our two nights away need to leave time for us to play, talk, and rest.

Emphasizing two night minimum getaways has made the times we can devote to the two of us much more enjoyable. We spent time on the North Carolina Outer Banks before a big conference in Raleigh. We tried out my new knee and explored Waco and Magnolia before the Texas conference.  We played on the beach and ate shrimp at Daytona after spending fine kin-keeping time with family. We explored back roads in the Alabama mountains before a conference site visit.  And, of course, we just run away by ourselves on occasion, like to our college reunion. You are my favorite play mate. I hope we don’t ever forget the magic of the two night minimum. What shall we plan next?

Much love, Sylvia