Dear Eddie: We just enjoyed one of our quarterly two-night getaways. This time, it was with the Better Marriages North Carolina folks. I enjoyed relaxing in intentional marriage enrichment space with you and only being responsible for one piece of programming. We spent a lot of time thinking and talking about being supportive spouses. In those conversations, and with that group of couples, I found myself being grateful for the love and support we have received from other couples in our married life.

Way back at Alma College, when we were engaged, I remember married couples who first treated us as another couple. Dr. and Mrs. Kapp and Dr. and Mrs. Eyer invited us to their homes for dessert and gave us wedding presents. I think they gave us more in support. I think they enjoyed their own marriages very much. They were all four dynamic interesting individuals who really liked their spouses. I think they saw us having the real possibility of growing into that kind of marriage. They kept us in their circle of support as long as they lived.

At the conference, I was grateful for the many couples who have shared their real marriages-ups and downs, joys and concerns, difficulties and learnings-with us over the years. We have admired them, yes, but more than that, I think we have been inspired by them to live genuinely, to risk talking about hard stuff, to see ourselves on a growth trajectory. They took risks, and they kept themselves in the support of other couples who did the same. They cracked sometimes but healed and grew.

I am grateful that you were and are willing to keep our marriage in what we call a marriage-friendly connection. We were barely thirty when we were invited into marriage enrichment. The support of that cloud of witnesses goes on even fifty years later and even after the deaths of many of our friends. I want every couple to find a trustworthy connection. They need other people who love their own spouses and want to grow and stay together.

Thank you always for taking the risk to live real with me and with those who support us. I love you.

Sylvia

Who supports your vision for your marriage? Who do you trust to have your best interest at heart?

Brainstorm together resources you might seek (people, groups, books, websites, organizations.) What one move will you make toward a marriage-friendly connection?