Darling Sylvia, For thirty years at Reinhardt University I taught my biology students that the primary organs for listening are the ears. You have, however, taught me that the primary organ of listening to you is my heart. Unfortunately, I was a slow learner, but it is possible. At the 50th reunion of the Class of 65, Richard Smith remembered that Coach Smith spent two hours teaching me the one move of my senior year (a reverse pivot to the baseline = reverse pivot, one dribble middle, spin baseline, shoot – right …). It has taken much longer for you to teach me to listen with my heart. I sit down opposite you, look into your eyes, bracket your knees (knee to knee) with mine and listen with my heart. First of all, I ask you what are you feeling. I must, although it is very hard for me, shut up and listen for your feelings with my heart. Listening with my heart is a learned skill. It is like that reverse pivot to the baseline but it has taken longer to learn.
The other night, friends said that they had been together so long that they knew automatically what the other was thinking and feeling. Alarm bells rang in my head. You have been my friend and lover for nearly fifty years. You are not the 19 year old that drove me crazy. You are more gracious, generous, kind and beautiful now than you were then. We both have changed and are changing all of the time. I listen to you with my heart instead of with my ears because I care and profoundly respect you. Listening with the heart gives me a complete, accurate and up-to-date information base. It builds a safe place where you and I have the chance to be heard and understood in the now. Listening with the heart allows a shared meaning of our experiences, a place of togetherness.
You knock my socks off.
Eddie Bert