On our campus, there is a carillon tower which serves as the college clock; Bells of different sizes with different tones play hymns and chime the hours as students scamper to class or lunch. In our lives, we play multiple roles, and each role, like a bell, has its own tone of voice. The tone matches the tasks and relationships of the roles. Sometimes, we are sons or daughters, fathers or mothers, bread winners, teachers, bosses, employees. Our roles as husbands and wives are closer to those of friends, colleagues, or team members. At our house, when one of us uses a tone that does not fit our marriage relationship, someone objects: “I am not your child.” “I am not one of your students.”

We are learning to be aware of the tone of voice we are using with each other. Does it match the kind of husband or wife we want to be with each other? Sometimes, it is difficult to switch from parent or manager to partner. We are learning to say, “Wait. I just heard the tone of my voice. It had to do with something that happened today. What I would like for you to hear is different. Can I try it over again?”

Do you use tones that belong with other roles when speaking to your partner?

Can you better monitor your tone?

Is it hard to switch from your work roles to your home roles?

Are entry points at the end of the day difficult?

How could you and your partner work together to connect at the end of the day in ways that affirm your relationship?

Share your thoughts with each other knee to knee.

Credit: “Wonderful Wednesdays”
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