Archives February 2016

Darling Sylvia,

At 5:50 AM, I got up and let out the cat. I took my pills and put on the coffee.  I called to the kids to get up. Paper bowls, napkins, and three spoons were retrieved from their hiding places. Kid cereal, milk and orange drink were placed on the table, and I again called to the kids to get their butts out of bed. The kids were fed and out the door by 6:52.  At 7:05, I took Aryn’s hand in mine and led all three across the highway to the door of Ms Lisa’s bus.  At 7:08, I returned home and cuddled you down for an early morning nap. At 8:22, I petted Peter the cat, and you awoke.  We started another busy day of retirement (it’s not like what we had imagined). “Sunrise sunset, sunrise sunset, swiftly flow the years. One season following another, laiden with happiness and  tears.” You lay against me, your head on my shoulder.   You were asleep,  peaceful, and oh so beautiful.  Like Tevye,  I marveled that after all these years  you still love me, and I didn’t even have to ask you. There are tear tracks on my cheeks.  I’m allergic to cats.

Love you more than Nutter Butters,

Eddie B.

Darling Eddie:

I thank you from the bottom of my heart for a decision you made back in the seventies. You decided that it was important to place our marriage in a marriage friendly zone. You stepped up when many husbands would not have done so. For us, that decision first meant accepting an invitation to join in a marriage enrichment group. Later, your commitment and our joint value led to “working for better marriages, beginning with our own.” Because you said “yes,” and we continued to say “yes,” we live in the presence of a blessed cloud of witnesses.

Our cloud of witnesses is a precious resource for us. The cloud is made up of couples in the present and couples from other times who keep us in their hearts. They broke the marital taboo that says, “You made your bed; you sleep in it.” They shared their real marriage experiences, joys, sorrows, challenges, and fears, and allowed us to preview natural parts of the life we have lived and now live. Their long term view continues to give us hope. Whether physically or spiritually present, those couples make space for us to do our necessary work on the holy ground of their care.

The couples in our cloud tell us repeatedly that we are not the only people to have our kinds of experiences. They never make us feel stupid or awful. They never tell us what to do. They encourage us to speak for ourselves and to listen with our hearts. They encourage us to be intentional and challenge us to celebrate successes and to be gentle in our failures. They expect us to play and to nourish our marriage. The names and details would take pages. I appreciate them so much.

And, most of all, I am grateful for your “yes.” I am so happy you said “yes” to making our marriage a priority. I love you. Be my Valentine?

Sylvia