Archives July 2015

Darling Sylvia,

On the eve of returning to Grayling for my 50th high school reunion, I have been thinking a lot about the boy that left Grayling and the man that you helped me to become.

Grayling like many rural small towns was a warm and safe place to be. People knew who I was, who my people were, and when Tom and Ruth’s good boy, Eddie, skipped from the Southside School in the second grade. It really did take a village. They knew me and my place. Granddad raised kids and stones on the banks of the Maple River. The expectation was that we take the next step up the educational and economic ladder. We were to become teachers, preachers, doctors or lawyers. Because of sharing the bass section in choir with Doc Allison, I added scientist to the list. Fortunately, my older brother Joe became the preacher. As the fourth child, Mom’s expectation had been reduced to my becoming a good person who would not embarrass the family.

In the fall of 1965, I was desperate to get out of “safe” Grayling. Little did I know that Grayling, and the things that I learned there, would always be a part of the boy within me. Some of my understandings of the world were worth keeping. Some had to be unlearned.

When I arrived at Alma College, I had a new me to create. Unfortunately, some of my drive was powered by the “better than” syndrome that took another forty years to discard. The new me was nurtured in Drs. Oltz, Kapp, Eyer and Edgar’s biology classrooms and Denny Stoltz’s football practice fields.

I was also in search of a beautiful bright girl to share my love of family, flowers, animals and faith. In bonehead chemistry, I found you. I knew I was really in this thing called love after a date at Lumberjack Park when I realized that you loved me more than I loved me. I had no idea what a wonderful challenging couple journey we would have. We were two lead horses who had to give up the need to be right or to have the last word. I had to learn that compromise was not an evil thing. I had to discover that your request to listen to you was not an invitation to fix. I had to learn more about the child I had brought from Grayling and to honor and cherish the child you brought from Grosse Pointe Park. It’s been a fine ride these last 46 years, and I look forward to a future in which we learn more about each other. I love you.

Eddie Bert

Our home needs regular scheduled maintenance: the siding around the outside faucet is crumbling; the privet is overgrowing the fence; a heat pump is over 20 years old. Cars need oil changes, hoses, transmissions flushed. Our bodies fare a little better; we see some doctor every three months, pacemaker checks, blood work. Extended family relationships need nurturing. Jobs require continuing education and licensures; we can’t let those requirements lapse, can we?

Likewise, our marriages need regular scheduled maintenance. We say, “I do,” and somehow expect our marriages to keep up with us as we fly through our two lives. Demands pull us away from each other and the joy we can experience as married partners in life. When we married, we made some promises to each other before God and in the presence of our community. Churches, agencies, and marriage enrichment groups offer many opportunities for marital growth.

We just returned from the Better Marriages Conference in St. Louis. This is the “big one” that happens every two years. Why did we go? Why did we invest the time and money? We need maintenance. A crucial part of that maintenance is to share in the experiences of other couples, to learn new skills, and to access resources for ourselves and those we love. We found skills on fighting fairly (all around the world), we gained insight into helping those experiencing betrayal, we learned of services for families impacted by incarceration, we revisited the power of humor based in self-knowledge, and giggled our way through the reintroduction of the “Ten Second Kiss” (you can stop at 7 at high altitudes). We will share the new resources with you on this site. We need a periodic marriage friendly, marriage energizing event to tune our couple engine. We encourage you to find one for yourselves. It is a maintenance investment you will never regret. For example, we will be at the Better Marriages Georgia Getaway for Valentine’s weekend in 2016. www.bettermarriagesga.org

Will you think about your vows and commit to cherish your spouse in some program this fall? Time conflicts come immediately to mind; we all have them. It’s important.

Explore making a commitment to your marriage in a couples’ program this year knee to knee.

What opportunities are available?

What would you like to do?

Who will take the next step of registering?